And now, for something completely different

If you come here to read my deep and insightful commentary on public education, step away from the computer, go for a walk, and don't come back for 10ish days, when I'll be back, and talking about something maybe vaguely educational.

Today, I'm going to talk about how TBS shaped who I am.

Not in any deep philisophical way. No, I had parents, and friends, and teachers, and the Midwest for that. Nope, TBS shaped what I listen to, what I want to drive, and what I find funny. These might not seem like deep things, but it goes to show how a small decision by somebody can have lasting impacts on people they might not even know. (There's probably something about teachers in that statement, so maybe we're getting some educational thought tonight after all).

You see, in the late 1980s and early 1990s, TBS (and WGN for that matter), often showed movies on Saturday afternoons. I often watched these movies. One that was in heavy rotation was the Greatest Movie Ever Made . (Don't be lazy. Click the link. I'll wait.)

Oh that's right. The Blues Brothers. Belushi. Aykroyd. John Lee Hooker. Cab Calloway. Ray-Freaking-Charles.

The movie is about 3 things, really. And those three things (well two of them anyway) really shaped what I enjoy, and what I enjoy has thus shaped my life. Let's investigate, shall we?

Things The Blues Brothers is about:

1. Cars - Dan Aykroyd actually thought that the movie was a musical about a car guy. There's one of the all time great chase scenes (or three) in this film. Now, you can't blame all of my love of cars on The Blues Brothers. My first word was "car", for goodness' sake. However, this movie did reignite my love of the automobile. My love of the automobile led me to learn how to perform at least simple repairs on cars / trucks. Now, I work at a summer camp, and one of my duties is inspection and care for our vehicles. Thanks, Jake and Elwood!

2. The Blues - This movie is really a musical where all of the songs are R & B songs. It exposed me to Sam and Dave, John Lee Hooker and that big brass sound of Chicago Blues. I learned to play an instrument for two reasons. The first was that my Dad had a ceramic tuba player on the shelf in the living room. The second was The Blues Brothers. I met my wife because I played an instrument. Thanks again, Joliet Jake and Elwood!

3. Hating Authority (and Nazis) - Ok, I actually represent authority, but I do hate Nazis. Still, the idea that there were Nazis in America must have had some impact on my studying History, right?

So, obviously the guys at TBS and WGN who programed this movie in heavy rotation in the early 90's changed my life. Why do you care? Aha, because there are other lessons from The Blues Brothers that can be applied to everyone's life. What are they, you ask? Let's examine them:

A. Get the band back together. Really, when haven't you enjoyed getting back together with a group of friends from "back in the day"?

B. Have a mission in life. You need purpose, you need something to quest after. You need a mission. Sure, Jake and Elwood were not right with the Law. But they had a mission, and it was a larger quest. If you can find something, some mission to guide you, your life will have meaning. If your life has meaning, then you will feel fulfilled by it.

C. Shake a Tail Feather. You need to get up and get some physical activity every once in a while. America is the fattest nation on Earth. Crying about it isn't going to solve the problem. You can be part of the solution. The easiest way? Take Ray's advice, and shake a tail-feather

D. Stand By Your Man. You need to find someone who you love, and you need to stick with them. Companionship isn't always easy, but it makes life worthwhile. And remember, ladies, we're just a man.

E. Your actions when young follow you . Let's think about this. Many of you are just out of high school. You think that going to college is a fresh start. In many ways, it is. However, all the people you knew growing up aren't going to forget who you are. Even the Blues Brothers, in their altruistic mission, are judged by what they used to be. Don't think that mistakes made in youth will not follow you. They probably will. The solution? Think before you act and make less mistakes.

F. Appreciate Art What makes man better than beast? That we love and create art. Take some time to enjoy really fine art. Step away from the current crap and take a day looking and listening to the classics.

G. Have good table manners This is just like one of those "Everything I need to know I learned in kindergarten" posters. The better your manners, the better opinions of you people who you meet over meals (like bosses and in-laws) will have.

H. Glue is strong stuff Ok, this is a gratuitous link to a line that I think is funny. No life lesson there.

I. Have a good horn section If you don't know the movie, this tune is performed in jail by the band. There's a lesson. They all seem to be having a good time. If you can make it happen, have a good horn section, because a good horn section makes life better

And now, to make you giggle a little, and to show how much I loved love The Blues Brothers, a picture of me in high school:

 

Spring Break Haiku

So, in the spirit of the BlazeBlog's "Sno-kus", I offer to you some Spring Break Haiku

I'm not home today
Sipping a frozen "Dad-pop"
Relaxed on a beach

Honey do list? Yes.
Sleeping until eight or nine.
Time to write haiku

Grading papers?No.
Time for me. This is how the
Other two thirds live.

That's all for today, I'm off to run errands. Perhaps I'll check back tomorrow with a tale of woe, from the other side of the desk.

Friday U-boat, ed. 11

Before we get to today's U-boat, let me explain why most of them have been removed. In the wake of the Natalie Munroe brouhaha, I examined (with the "encouragement" of my lovely wife, herself a former teacher) why I blog the things I blog.


The larger philosophical things I write about because I'm hoping to start a conversation. I'm hoping you read the BlazeBlog, and you start to think about why we teach the way (and things) we do.


The personal anecdotes I tell because I think they're funny. It's also a valuable way for me to vent my otherwise blood-pressure-elevating irrational anger.


But the U-boats are a problem. You see, I like them. I think that they're great. They drive traffic to the site. People like them. But they're also mean spirited. I have been willing, in the anonymity of the Internets, to say things about students I would not have said to their faces.


So, I've decided to stop. I'll still post stuff that's funny, but not because it's dumb. I'll post stuff like K-Love's Bodaciously American Guide to the American Revolution, but I'm done with the ones that make you wonder what the hell the writer was even attempting to say.


It is a little sad, since I currently have one in the hopper that involves a Nazi-Alien, or as I call it, a Nazalien.


In that light, I present you with a student produced video that made me giggle. The message is even good. Read a book.

That Waldo, he's so Corny!

Have a great weekend!

Celebrating VD, and what to get your favorite teacher!

That's right friends, the BlazeBlog is celebrating Valentine's Day, or as we like to call it in our offices, VD. It seems that Dr. Dick's habit of acronymizing everything just can't be contained.


Anyway, we thought that instead of ranting about idiocy, which would be easy, we would instead try our hands at creativity, with a list of things that teachers would love to get on VD (well, they wouldn't love VD, obviously; ok, they might love Valentine's Day, but not the other VD)


Without further herpes related confusion, our list of things that teachers love:

(caution, some links may contain early 90's content or messges, and will be unsuitable or unfunny to younger audiences.)

 1. Snow Day.


2. Parents who aren't crazy.


3. A kid who doesn't do homework. Seems counterintuitive, since we're always telling kids to do their homework, but the kid who doesn't do the work is the kid whose work doesn't need to get graded.


4. A school board that stays out of the way.


5. Taxpayers who vote yes on bonds.


6. People who vote against Mitch Daniels.


7. 2 hour delays


8. Staff meetings that include the words "Happy Hour".



9. Planning hour.


10. A kid who turns in ridiculous work.


11. Janitors.


12. The dismissal bell.


13. The phrase "lunch is on your own, take an hour".


14. Spring Break.


15. Summer summer summertime


Hope your VD is fun, or at least not painful!

An ode to the snow day

Today I want to begin with a little poetry. In tribute to some summer camp fun, I present the Snow Day Poetry Corner. 


A Pair of  "Sno-Kus"


Snow Day, I love you
White, Cold, full of happiness
Please come more often


We don't work today
Some Big-wig says roads are bad
I stay home and nap


What could inspire such insipid "poetry"? The greatest of national holidays: The Snow Day

I have, for my entire life, lived in places where it snows. Sometimes, it snows there a lot. So, as both a student and a teacher, I have spent most of my life yearning for that special something that brings joy to boys and girls and only comes in the winter. No, not him. Not even Old St. Nick. 

No, I have waited, with baited breath, anticipating the Snow Day.

Everyone has their own routine. My wife, when she taught, spent her time poring over the internet, watching local and national weather, consulting radar maps. She made an educated decision, and then a prediction. Some children (and adults) do snow dances, or flush ice cubes down the toilet. I personally believe in the jinx. I won't talk about a Snow Day, and if snow is forecast, and we don't get a day, I blame those who did speak openly about it.

Why? Because the Snow Day is a mystical beast. And, oh yes, I will capitalize "Snow Day". Why? Because the Snow Day deserves to be recognized as a holiday. 

Now, I think we all understand why students love the Snow Day. It is a day free from responsibilities. A day to relax. That's actually also why teachers love it so much. 

You may wonder why a Snow Day is better than taking a day off. I'll try to explain the glory that is the Snow Day:

1. The Snow Day is unexpected. Surprise paid days off are always good.

2. You don't have to plan and grade on a Snow Day. Since you thought you were coming into work, you didn't bring home piles of grading! Win.

3. You get to act like a real adult. Last night, instead of a hobby, you were grading. Sunday, before the big game, you were planning the week. Yesterday, you got to pee during your 5 minute passing period. Today? Well you can watch morning TV, write on your blog, maybe even take a nap. Since you already had today prepped at school, you can even do it guilt free. If the roads are bad for 16 year old drivers and buses, but OK for you, you can even go out for lunch.

The Snow Day is also the chance for those of us who suffer through the cold and dark of winter, being taunted by our friends from warmer climes about their temperate lives, pictures of them in T-shirts and shorts in February, to have the last laugh. Suckers who live in warm places have to go to work every scheduled day. Not us. Sometimes, we just stay home.
 
So, as you sit in your office, reading the internet, know that somewhere people are wishing, and hoping, and praying for that 4 a.m. phone call.  

An exciting announcement!!

Hey there, loyal readers of the BlazeBlog, today we are excited to announce that we have partnered (and by "partnered" I mean, "we signed up") with our friends at twitter to create a feed of ridiculous things we've over-heard at lunch.

It will be just as good as you think. To prove it, click here

The Seven Most Dangerous Words In Education

Sometimes, an educator will get sent to a conference. They'll go somewhere sunny and wonderful, like Omaha, and when they come back, the school will want to see a return on the money they spent.

Their co-workers, wondering why there was an elderly woman reading mystery novels in the class next door while children ran crazy, will ask the educator where they've been. The educator will respond with:

"I just got back from a conference"

These are the Seven Most Dangerous words in Education. Why? Because when an educator goes to a conference, they go away from school. While away from school, all things seem possible. You can go to the bathroom whenever you want. You can have free coffee and fruit.

At many conferences, there is AN HOUR for lunch. 60 whole minutes. Most educators can't even begin to imagine 60 minutes for lunch. And so, overwhelmed by this world that they don't understand, educators write everything down, and come back, ready to change the world, convinced that what they learned today really is the magic bullet.

Because someone at the conference has BRAND NEW IDEAS. And now, your school is going to implement those ideas. However, we don't have the funding to bring in the expert from the conference (Dr. Dick Johncock is actually available! Email him for details Seriously!) So, the person who went to the conference is going to lead an inservice, and we're going to implement this.

So, on the inservice day, the kids go home at lunch, you get lunch and meet in the library. At this point, a PowerPoint is projected, apologies are made for the small text, we watch a movie, get three handouts stolen from the Internet, and people walk away confused. Meanwhile, new jargon has been added to our educational lexicon. Because more jargon = better learning.

Seriously, I was once in a curriculum map planning meeting, and the leader (love you!), wanted us to develop a Vision Statement for Social Studies. I suggested that we put it in the "Random Educational Catchphrase Generator" and see what it spat out. Here's an example:

We will empower students, through experiential and differentiated lessons, to become masters of their education in an ever-changing world. Students will be supported by norms based, standards referenced, horizontally and vertically aligned, real-world applied, and community created lessons.

Far too often, administrators really buy into this stuff. They're looking for ways to improve test scores RIGHT FREAKING NOW, and these lessons from conferences seem like the real deal. That leads to administrators basing everything on jargon that teachers got exposed to for 2 hours at the end of the day in the library. (Honestly, the teachers probably graded and did the crossword, so they're just as much to blame in this deal)


You know what? The Internet is better at explaining this rant than I am.

 Here's a video, it does a better job than I ever could:



So, are conferences bad, and are they hurting education? No, probably not. the problem is that the conference gets people all excited, and then they come back to school full of piss and vinegar, but that enthusiasm doesn't translate to us mere mortals. Indeed, there's even jargon for this. It's a "lack of buy-in".

What can we do about it? First, lets all calm down. Rome wasn't built in a day, and the problems of American education, as I think I've shown, are largely systemic, and won't be fixed by the ideas you're bringing back from the conference. Now that we're all calm, lets go ahead and implement these good ideas, in moderation. We don't need to reinvent the wheel every 10 months with a new set of acronyms and discipline plans. In fact, we might be well served to self-asses, or use that conference registration fee to bring in someone from outside to evaluate how we're doing.

But if we did that, no one would get to go to Omaha.

A district approved provided U-boat

A colleague today pointed this gem out to me:

When you go to my district's Human Resources web page, and click on "Benefits", you see the following

That's right, there are no benefits to working at my school.

True-est thing that I think they've ever put out.

The Best Educational Commentary I've Read All Year

Sad but true, the best commentary on education, just like the best commentary on media, is on a basic cable channel committed to comedy.

Watch, and enjoy.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Back in Black - Education Crisis
http://www.thedailyshow.com/
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

Does anybody else secretly want to watch Teach Tony Danza! ?

I do.